well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
