i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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