I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
