First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
