I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we're making bets on your personal life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
