when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
