Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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