Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
