Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
