she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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