Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
