she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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