It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
