So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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