I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
