Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
