You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
