i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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