im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
