I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
