we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
