1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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