pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
