I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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