can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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