I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
