I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
