I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
