She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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