I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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