There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
