Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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