The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
