Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
