theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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