Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
