I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
