I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
