You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
