I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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