Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just wanna soil my oats bro
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
