I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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