that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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