you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
