Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
