Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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