I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
