i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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