you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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