Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
